Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is Oprah even human
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize