I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Randomize
