so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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