Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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