Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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