We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
