I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Randomize
