bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
