lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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