I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
