Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
