I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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