Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
