It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
