I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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