So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
