I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
