pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
