Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
