But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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