just come out here and I will go home with you...
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
