over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
