he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
