god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
