I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize