I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This house was built for laser tag.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
