just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
