Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It's like God shit irony all over that family
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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