when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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