Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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