Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
