I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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