If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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