Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
