I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
