you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
