I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
