I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
