I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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