Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
