Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i want to swaddle you in tequila
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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