he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
