I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
When are your genitals available?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
