FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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