Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I could have mohawked her pubes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
