3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it hurts more in the daytime
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
