just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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