Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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