She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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