I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
