I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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