Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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