I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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