We won't sleep together?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
