Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
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