hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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