it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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