Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
only if we run a train.
done.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
FUCK WHALES
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
