I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Floor bacon is actually really good
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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