What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
