please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
