Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
