Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
