omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
