Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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