I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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