why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she peed on how many people?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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