Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
