I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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