Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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