She's JV to your varsity
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
